Tag Archives: marriage

Taking care of number one?

And who might that be when you’re a stay at home mom with a 2 year old? Well, when mommy is sick and is fortunate enough to have ‘Gappy’ in town, number one is me.

Ugh. Yucky day of feeling crappy, lazing around, napping, barely eating. Usually not at all possible, but rather necessary today. 

It got me thinking about how we are always being told to take care of ourselves and our marriage first so that we are healthy and happy enough to take care of our kids. I can only see that happening when someone else is available to step in. And I can envision it down the road as my darling gets older.  Not on my radar now. That’s for sure. The child is number one. It can’t be helped. Everybody else can fend for themselves. She simply can’t. 

I get the concept. I understand the reasoning. But how does it fit into reality? And what do you do with the guilt when you realize all of the things (and people) you have neglected since you had your child? And then what do you do with the guilt when you do put yourself first and your child seems to need you more than ever?

Are you sensing the theme here? 

Guilt. 

I actually still have a yellow sticky note tucked away in a box somewhere from many years ago. On it, I wrote the word “guilt” in big, bold letters, and then put a big “X” through it. That exercise worked for a long time, but I think I might need to do it again. I am realizing more and more that guilt is a huge part of my thinking. And that just simply needs to stop. 

So, who’s number one? It depends on who you ask and when you ask it. And it doesn’t need to come with a side of guilt.